Pain is part of life. Whether it be physical, emotional, or mental pain, its thorns can rip deeply into one’s flesh or one’s psyche, leaving one in a state of excruciating discomfort and restless distress. Pain is the physical or mental suffering or discomfort experienced when we encounter the opposite emotions known from the joy, happiness, and the “good feeling” that can be found in life. Pain is the result of the loss of health or someone or something which we cherished dearly; something or someone which we valued as bringing meaning to our lives.

While physical pain can be torturous, the longer I live the more I have come to believe the pain that accompanies loss or rejection can bring unbearable ache and hurt in one’s innermost being that even medicine, time, or pills cannot abate. We all know the pain of losing a loved one through the doorway of death, we weep much because we loved much. Love always carries with it the risk of pain. When we love, there is always the risk that the joy can be turned into pain as the person may be snatched from us in death. Of course, if we live long enough, that will happen. That is part of the natural flow of life.

Over the years, the greatest pain can come from the rejection and abandonment by those we loved and valued in our lives. As a young person, most of us have experienced loving someone who, for a while, valued us, then rejected us and broke our hearts. Then there is the betrayal of someone we treasure as a friend, who we thought would always stand with us, then they turn against us and estrangement replaces friendship. Such pain rips our insides out. However, some of the worst pain is when one of your own loins, one who has our DNA stamped upon their very being, turns their back on you and desires to no longer be part of your life. They reject your Christian values to choose a path of moral relativism and in the process, reject you as a parent or guardian for holding such antiquated values that they perceive as harmful and no longer of value for them to follow. They throw out the baby with the bathwater. Such a rejection cuts to the very quick of one’s soul and the fabric of one’s innermost being. It leaves one asking, “What could I have done differently?”

To be rejected or abandoned by one who shares your DNA, raises more questions than answers. As a matter of fact, few answers are forthcoming, which can leave one confused and engulfed in a grief that resembles that of a death. It leaves one in a quandary to either (1) let go – to move on – not moving on because you quit caring, but they no longer care and they have let go — or (2) to wrings one’s hands in desperation and paralyzing grief and in the end miss out on sharing love with those who do care. I have always believed one should not wallow in the mud of nontoleration but pitch one’s tent where one finds celebration. Of course, we continue to pray for the wayward one who has abandoned their DNA for antichristian philosophies, which will eventually prove sorely lacking in a crucible of relativism and regret. There does come a time, though, life moves onward like a mighty river, and we must move with its flow or be swept away by stagnant grief that bogs one down from experiencing God’s high destiny for their life.

When the Rich Young Ruler was confronted with the demands of Jesus and walked away, the Master didn’t run after him. The Bible says, “Jesus looked at him, loved him” (Mark 10:21). Jesus loved him, but when the young man walked away, Jesus didn’t chase after him, but let him go — not because the Master no longer cared, but because the Rich Young Ruler didn’t care for Jesus’ answer. As well, we know that Jesus as He walked on earth, his brothers didn’t embrace Him, yet He never lost sight of His high calling. No doubt their unbelief and estrangement caused him great inward pain, but He never lost sight of His purpose and calling as He marched toward the cross.

Are you hurting within over forsaken and rejected love by those who share your DNA? Keep looking to Jesus, place all things in His hands, and like a flint, remain focused on the Christ of the cross. Trust the Lord and leave the consequences to Him. If you know someone who is enduring the pain of abandonment, don’t judge them, but pray for them and be their friend. The waters of abandonment can be murky, but the Captain of the Ship of Zion will guide the ship safely to shore…and it is hope those who have walked away like the Rich Young Ruler to walk a perceived different path will one day make their way to the Ship of Zion before it docks at the last harbor of life.

Is there any guarantee that those we have loved but have abandoned their Christian heritage and those with whom they share a blood connection will eventually find their way home like the Prodigal Son? No, there is no guarantee they will ever return. They may be like the Rich Young Ruler, walk away for good, never to be heard from again. Again, one must keep their eyes on Jesus and leave the outcome to Him. We are only answerable to the Lord for ourselves, so let us keep our eyes focused on our Lord…realizing His grace is sufficient and sustainable even in the throes of inward pain. Hang in there Wounded Warrior, for the stars shine brightest on the darkest nights. Remember, “Weeping May Endure for a Night but Joy cometh in the morning” (Ps 30:5).

Blessings,

Dr. Dan